Suicide rates amongst men have reached a 20-year peak, making up three quarters of all cases in 2019. With these figures predicted to surge as the mental impacts of COVID-19 come to light, why are men so at risk of mental illness?
“I miss you more sitting with you now than I did when I was abroad”, said Kenny Mammarella D’Cruz to a close friend following a 7-year travel expedition. A culture of partying, sex and sports had rendered his friends strangers; emotionally distant and evocative of lads on the school playground attempting to outdo each other. Kenny gathered them in a cramped front room for a men’s support group, creating a space for them to drop the façade and be their authentic selves. Like Fight Club, these groups spread rapidly. The difference with this club however was that you were allowed to talk about it, and were actually encouraged to do so.
According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), men’s suicide rates are at their highest since 2000, accounting for 16.9 deaths per 100,000 men. In addition, a recent study found 1 in 10 men in the UK have reported suicidal thoughts, compared to 1 in 20 men a decade ago. Though similar trends have been observed in women’s suicide rates, Paul Farmer, chief executive of mental health charity, Mind, says COVID-19 has made men three times more likely to take their own life. This comes as a result of stigmatising attitudes towards male mental illness and economic recession; “men’s mental health tends to be more affected by unemployment”.
Mark Smith, founder of suicide prevention charity, Sixty Six/Ninety Nine, understands these challenges first-hand, having attempted suicide twice in 2018. He says a combination of grief, personal circumstances and bipolar disorder led to suicidal thoughts: “when people take their own lives, they don’t necessarily want to die. They want the pain that they’re experiencing to end, and that was very much the case with me.” Mark says there’s a taboo surrounding mental illness that can prevent people seeking help, and the solution starts with raising awareness through education: “lad culture can be very damaging. The competition amongst young boys creates norms many struggle to conform to. We need to see this talked about in schools”. Mark adds “suicide is not inevitable, it is preventable. Picking up the phone and speaking to the Samaritans or a close friend will make you realise there is a lot of help out there, your support network is bigger than you”.
Mark’s theory that there is a correlation between manliness and poor mental health is not unfounded. In fact, researchers studying this behaviour recognise this as ‘hyper-masculinity’. Professor of Educational Foundations, Kathleen Elliot, describes hyper-masculinity as the “negative aspects of exaggerated masculine traits”, such as violence and aggression, over competitiveness, and suppressing vulnerability. This is not to say male behaviour as a whole is problematic, but rather the social environments that create unrealistic expectations of how men should act. A recent British survey found that men are less likely to use primary care services regularly, with 9 out of 10 men saying they would not see a doctor unless they had a “serious problem”. Similarly, researchers from the University of Bristol estimate 1000 extra deaths from suicide and 30-40,000 suicide attempts occurred following the 2008-2010 economic recession. Experts suggest shame played a considerable role in these figures, largely impacting men who were made redundant and unable to provide financially for their families.
Unemployment and austerity are often blamed for the cluster of suicides that took place in Bridgend, South Wales between 2007-2008, which saw 26 people take their own life; 23 of which were men. Garnering international coverage from outlets such as Vanity Fair and developed into the 2015 film, ‘Bridgend’, this borough came to be known as a “death town” riddled with binge drinking, teenage pregnancies and mental illness. Beneath the slanderous depiction of the town, several common risk factors for suicide could be identified: all 23 men were young, from a working class background and were either unemployed or working low paid jobs. Adviser to the Samaritans, Stephen Platt, says “men in lower socioeconomic groups now have less access to jobs that allow for the expression of working-class masculinity, and have thus lost a source of masculine identity”. Though suicide cannot be pin-pointed to a specific cause, it is commonly believed the stigma and powerlessness associated with unemployment played a role in the fivefold increase in Bridgend’s young male suicide rates.
Ex Member of Parliament for Bridgend, Madeline Moon, says society’s response to those who express suicidal thoughts also contributed to the deaths in her constituency, as phrases like “snap out of it” and “man up” discouraged those with mental illness seeking help. She says “it’s 2021 and we’re still in Edwardian Britain where men are shamed for expressing vulnerability. We cannot respond to cries for help with the same toxic, archaic stereotypes”. To move beyond these harmful understandings, she says society must reconsider the ties between strength and manliness: “strength not only comes in the form of brute force, but also in emotional vulnerability. Expressing pain is a powerful form of strength as it requires courage”. Moon also stresses the importance of people with suicidal thoughts avoiding online self-help forums: “stay away from online discussions that encourage people to take their lives, it is the worst place you can go. Find someone you trust that can help you”.
Kenny Mammarella D’Cruz’s men’s groups, known as MenSpeak, serve to create this safe space for men to express their emotions. As the self-proclaimed ‘Man Whisperer’, Kenny says the demand for men’s groups has increased drastically during the pandemic and offers a lifeline to men who may be lonely, hopeless or confused. Encouraging attendees to allow their “inner boy to meet their inner man”, he says mental health will only improve when men allow themselves to communicate effectively, whether that be seeking help for trauma or surrendering power in moments beyond their control. Kenny adds, “when the man takes care of the boy inside through talking about past experiences, identifying where they failed and where they succeeded, they are able to respond to life calmly, with acceptance and without relying on others for validation, and that is a game changer.” Having encouraged this behaviour in his work as a self-development consultant over the past 20 years, Kenny believes MenSpeak has saved countless lives and will continue to redefine understandings of masculinity long after the pandemic: “hanging out with people you can grow with is a really good reason for living. Having the freedom to just be human without social restrictions makes breaking down gender barriers a lifelong project”.
With experts predicting an increase in male suicides of up to 145% during lockdown, it would seem a secondary pandemic is taking place that has amassed a fraction of the coverage of COVID-19 and will exist long after restrictions are lifted. Spread by ‘manning up’, its symptoms can manifest in social withdrawal and substance abuse, and those most vulnerable tend to perpetuate harmful stereotypes of masculinity and can often be seen participating in self-destructive behaviour. However, no vaccination programme can cure this virus, the antidote is far simpler – talk. Whilst communication alone might not create nation-wide immunity, this simple act could save someone’s life which, during a time where the small victories are more important than ever, is a feat worth celebrating.
If you or anyone you know is struggling to cope, the Samaritans offer free, confidential advice at 116 123 and via email at jo@samaritans.org. You can also find helpful tips on how to start a conversation about mental health at www.samaritans.org.
For more information, please contact Lauren Eales at lauren_eales@outlook.com
